your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
