We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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