I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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