oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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