OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
