I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
