I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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