dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
