She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
why is half of my head shaved?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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