Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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