Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
