i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
