apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
