ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
