I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
