Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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