It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
