its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
