The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
