The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
