those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize