How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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