woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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