i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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