White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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