I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
