I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
