Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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