i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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