That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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