I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
