how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize