just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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