I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize