I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
