He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
