my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
