i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
