I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
