Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
