you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
