Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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