CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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