Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize