i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
