i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
