you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
