we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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