I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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