whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize