I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
