i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
