just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
