just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
