I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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