i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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