How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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