So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
