he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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