I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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