I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I could fuck to npr.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
