So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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