If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
