He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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