I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
