I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
