i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
