we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
