i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize