Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
A bitchslap is in order.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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